Parenting
Whatever your situation or circumstances, remember that other women have experienced similar circumstances, and you are not alone. We hope you find the information below helpful. To talk to someone about these or other parenting issues, please call (301) 662-5300. All calls are confidential.
The 12 Most Asked Questions About Single Parenting*
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If I can’t afford to live on my own, where can I live with my baby?
Explore all your housing options before you make any decisions. Look for a safe and affordable place. Consider your childcare options in each situation. Some possibilities may include:
-
Living with a friend or relative
-
Living with your parents or the birthfather’s parents
-
Living in a group home for single mothers
-
Living in public subsidized housing (there may be a long waiting list)
-
Living in a home where you rent a room or basement
-
Can anyone help me with the cost of pre-natal care and delivery?
Yes. There are government programs and sometimes private programs to assist with these costs. Most programs base any fees on a sliding scale (according to your income). Call your local Health Department for more information.
-
Can anyone help me with baby items?
Private organizations like Care Net are eager to help you with maternity and baby clothing, other baby items such as cribs, strollers and toys, and much more. Your local pregnancy center (800-395-HELP) can connect you with parenting resources.
-
Childcare, formula and diapers are so expensive. How will I be able to afford it?
There are government and private programs to assist you in these areas. Check with your local Women, Infants & Children Office (WIC), your local pregnancy care center (800-395-HELP), and other organizations that give away food & clothing.
-
How do I get support from the birthfather?
The birthfather’s legal responsibilities include providing financial support for your child. Most states have a child support enforcement agency which will withhold money from his paycheck if he is unwilling to pay. If the birthfather is unable to provide child support, you need to plan how you will care for your baby without it. A birthfather’s support record may influence court decisions about custody and visitation rights.
-
What rights does the birthfather have?
In some states, the birthfather’s name is not even put on the birth certificate unless you request it. If he has signed a notarized paternity affidavit, he may have legal rights, including visitation and the right to deny or consent to medical decisions for your child. An attorney or your state department of social services representative will provide more details about the birthfather’s rights and responsibilities. You and the birthfather should also discuss your individual rights and responsibilities. A child’s needs are best met when birthparents work together.
-
I don’t want to be a mother on welfare. Can I get job training?
If you are receiving assistance, you may be eligible for programs which help with job training, tuition, and childcare. Otherwise, you might rely on educational grants and loans while working to cover living expenses and childcare. Many colleges and universities are now offering special programs that are geared toward working adults. Classes are offered in the evening, on weekends, and online through the Internet. Single parenting often means altering your goals and plans. But with determination and job training, you can achieve greater security for yourself and your baby.
-
Can I be forced to quit high school?
Most schools will encourage you to continue your education. Some schools offer night classes, in-home tutoring, childcare, and even transportation. You may decide to take a semester off while you adjust to single parenting, but you can still reach your educational goals. Contact the schools in your county or district to see what they have to offer.
-
How will single parenting affect my dating?
Parenting may limit your dating. When you choose to parent, your child’s needs will demand most of your attention. Some people you date may not want to take second place to your child. Others will not mind that you are parenting. Before getting into a serious relationship, consider the effect on your child. Try to balance freedom and responsibility. It is also important to allow yourself some “fun time”, or you may begin to resent your child.
-
How do I explain to my child why there is no father in our home?
An absent father may be hard for a child to understand. Explain that because of complicated circumstances, he is unable to be regular part of your family. You need to talk as positively about the birthfather as you can without being dishonest. Even if you don’t like him, he is still special to your child.
-
What rights do grandparents have?
State laws vary about grandparents’ custody and visitation rights. By law, birthparents are the only ones who have rights and responsibilities toward the child. However, grandparents are important in your child’s life and history. They can also be very helpful. View their help, however, as a temporary solution. It is important for you to be as idependent as possible. If you do live with your parents or grandparents, they have a right to certain expectations and to set a few rules.
-
Can I still choose adoption later if parenting doesn’t work out?
If single parenting becomes too difficult and you decide to consider adoption, you are not a bad parent. It takes courage to realize that you cannot provide all your child’s needs by yourself, but separating from a child with whom you have bonded can be difficult for the parent and for the child. A trusted and wise couselor can help you and your child through this process. Look for an adoption agency that will help you make an adoption plan that meets your needs.
*Adapted and used by permission. Courtesy of Bethany Christian Services. For an information packet about Bethany, call 1-800-BETHANY or visit their website at www.bethany.org.
Adoption…It’s Worth Considering
If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and feel that you can’t parent, no matter what the reason, adoption may be the right choice for you!
Adoption is a well-established and socially acceptable practice that has been around for centuries. It is a legal process that terminates the rights and responsibilities of the biological parent and transfers these rights and responsibilities to a new, “adoptive” family so that the child becomes a full and permanent member of the adoptive family.
Below are ten commonly asked questions about adoption. For further information on adoption, please visit any of the following helpful websites or call the Care Net Center.
Helpful websites on adoption:
-
www.adopting.org
-
www.adoptioncouncil.org
-
www.adoptionisachoice.com
-
www.barkerfoundation.org
-
www.bethany.org
The 10 Most Asked Questions About Adoption*
-
How can adoption be good for me and my baby?
If you are not ready to be a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life by choosing adoption. An adoption agency will work with you to select a stable, loving family to care for your baby. After birth, you can see your baby, name your baby and spend time with your baby. If you so choose, you can get updates on your child’s progress or have ongoing visits throughout your child’s life while you continue your education or career goals. Finally, you can be proud that you chose life for your baby.
-
Can I choose a family for my baby?
Yes! Most adoption agencies have couples from a variety of backgrounds that have been screened and approved. There are additional options such as choosing a friend, an acquaintance, or someone who has been recommended to you. Your agency will discuss these options with you.
-
How much contact can I have with my baby after birth and after adoption?
You may have as much contact with your baby at the hospital as you desire. When planning your child’s adoption, you can choose an open adoption plan that allows ongoing visits with your child, or you can choose a less open adoption that keeps you informed about your child’s progress through letters and pictures. Adoptive families respect your need to know that your child is loved and happy. If you prefer not to have any ongoing contact with your child and adoptive family, confidential adoption plans are also possible.
-
How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child’s placement depends on three factors:
-
Your preference for the timing of placement
-
Legal aspects of the adoption, which may vary from state to state
-
The cooperation of the birthfather
Many birthmothers want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital. Some women prefer to place their baby in temporary care while they consider their adoption decision.
-
How much will my child know about me? That depends on what type of adoption plan you choose: open, semi-open or confidential. Your adoption agency will encourage you to provide your complete medical and social history to your child, no matter what type of adoption plan you make. You may choose to share your identity and where you live with the adoptive family. If you’ve made an open adoption plan, you can have ongoing, direct contact with your child and the adoptive family.
-
Does the birthfather have any rights?
Both you and the birthfather have rights. If you disagree about adoption or you no longer have a relationship with him, your adoption agency will work with the birthfather and/or the courts to determine if his rights can be terminated.
-
Will my child have information about his or her birthfather?
Hopefully, yes. This will depend on the birthfather’s cooperation with you and the staff of your adoption agency. Most birthfathers give their complete medical and social history, recognizing how important it is for the child. At other times, only the information you provide will be available.
-
Can my child find me if he or she wants to search someday?
The laws in each state determine when and how your child may have access to information in the adoption file. Your caseworker will explain the current laws as they apply to your adoption plan.
-
How can I be sure my child will be well cared for?
Adoptive families approved by your adoption agency must meet standards that are shared with you. Your agency will make every attempt to complete a thorough assessment of potential adoptive families. Prior to finalizing the adoption, a caseworker will make home visits to ensure the child’s well-being. In an open adoption, you will see for yourself how well your child is cared for and how much your child is loved.
-
Do I need an attorney or do I pay my agency to assist me with the adoption?
You do not need an attorney and there are no costs to you. The adoption agency will handle all the legal details for you and the birthfather.
*Adapted and used by permission. Courtesy of Bethany Christian Services. For an information packet about Bethany, call 1-800-BETHANY or visit their website at www.bethany.org.
If I can’t afford to live on my own, where can I live with my baby?
Explore all your housing options before you make any decisions. Look for a safe and affordable place. Consider your childcare options in each situation. Some possibilities may include:
-
Living with a friend or relative
-
Living with your parents or the birthfather’s parents
-
Living in a group home for single mothers
-
Living in public subsidized housing (there may be a long waiting list)
-
Living in a home where you rent a room or basement
Can anyone help me with the cost of pre-natal care and delivery?
Yes. There are government programs and sometimes private programs to assist with these costs. Most programs base any fees on a sliding scale (according to your income). Call your local Health Department for more information.
Can anyone help me with baby items?
Private organizations like Care Net are eager to help you with maternity and baby clothing, other baby items such as cribs, strollers and toys, and much more. Your local pregnancy center (800-395-HELP) can connect you with parenting resources.
Childcare, formula and diapers are so expensive. How will I be able to afford it?
There are government and private programs to assist you in these areas. Check with your local Women, Infants & Children Office (WIC), your local pregnancy care center (800-395-HELP), and other organizations that give away food & clothing.
How do I get support from the birthfather?
The birthfather’s legal responsibilities include providing financial support for your child. Most states have a child support enforcement agency which will withhold money from his paycheck if he is unwilling to pay. If the birthfather is unable to provide child support, you need to plan how you will care for your baby without it. A birthfather’s support record may influence court decisions about custody and visitation rights.
What rights does the birthfather have?
In some states, the birthfather’s name is not even put on the birth certificate unless you request it. If he has signed a notarized paternity affidavit, he may have legal rights, including visitation and the right to deny or consent to medical decisions for your child. An attorney or your state department of social services representative will provide more details about the birthfather’s rights and responsibilities. You and the birthfather should also discuss your individual rights and responsibilities. A child’s needs are best met when birthparents work together.
I don’t want to be a mother on welfare. Can I get job training?
If you are receiving assistance, you may be eligible for programs which help with job training, tuition, and childcare. Otherwise, you might rely on educational grants and loans while working to cover living expenses and childcare. Many colleges and universities are now offering special programs that are geared toward working adults. Classes are offered in the evening, on weekends, and online through the Internet. Single parenting often means altering your goals and plans. But with determination and job training, you can achieve greater security for yourself and your baby.
Can I be forced to quit high school?
Most schools will encourage you to continue your education. Some schools offer night classes, in-home tutoring, childcare, and even transportation. You may decide to take a semester off while you adjust to single parenting, but you can still reach your educational goals. Contact the schools in your county or district to see what they have to offer.
How will single parenting affect my dating?
Parenting may limit your dating. When you choose to parent, your child’s needs will demand most of your attention. Some people you date may not want to take second place to your child. Others will not mind that you are parenting. Before getting into a serious relationship, consider the effect on your child. Try to balance freedom and responsibility. It is also important to allow yourself some “fun time”, or you may begin to resent your child.
How do I explain to my child why there is no father in our home?
An absent father may be hard for a child to understand. Explain that because of complicated circumstances, he is unable to be regular part of your family. You need to talk as positively about the birthfather as you can without being dishonest. Even if you don’t like him, he is still special to your child.
What rights do grandparents have?
State laws vary about grandparents’ custody and visitation rights. By law, birthparents are the only ones who have rights and responsibilities toward the child. However, grandparents are important in your child’s life and history. They can also be very helpful. View their help, however, as a temporary solution. It is important for you to be as idependent as possible. If you do live with your parents or grandparents, they have a right to certain expectations and to set a few rules.
Can I still choose adoption later if parenting doesn’t work out?
If single parenting becomes too difficult and you decide to consider adoption, you are not a bad parent. It takes courage to realize that you cannot provide all your child’s needs by yourself, but separating from a child with whom you have bonded can be difficult for the parent and for the child. A trusted and wise couselor can help you and your child through this process. Look for an adoption agency that will help you make an adoption plan that meets your needs.
Helpful websites on adoption:
www.adopting.org
www.adoptioncouncil.org
www.adoptionisachoice.com
www.barkerfoundation.org
www.bethany.org
How can adoption be good for me and my baby?
If you are not ready to be a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life by choosing adoption. An adoption agency will work with you to select a stable, loving family to care for your baby. After birth, you can see your baby, name your baby and spend time with your baby. If you so choose, you can get updates on your child’s progress or have ongoing visits throughout your child’s life while you continue your education or career goals. Finally, you can be proud that you chose life for your baby.
Can I choose a family for my baby?
Yes! Most adoption agencies have couples from a variety of backgrounds that have been screened and approved. There are additional options such as choosing a friend, an acquaintance, or someone who has been recommended to you. Your agency will discuss these options with you.
How much contact can I have with my baby after birth and after adoption?
You may have as much contact with your baby at the hospital as you desire. When planning your child’s adoption, you can choose an open adoption plan that allows ongoing visits with your child, or you can choose a less open adoption that keeps you informed about your child’s progress through letters and pictures. Adoptive families respect your need to know that your child is loved and happy. If you prefer not to have any ongoing contact with your child and adoptive family, confidential adoption plans are also possible.
How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child’s placement depends on three factors:
-
Your preference for the timing of placement
-
Legal aspects of the adoption, which may vary from state to state
-
The cooperation of the birthfather
How much will my child know about me? That depends on what type of adoption plan you choose: open, semi-open or confidential. Your adoption agency will encourage you to provide your complete medical and social history to your child, no matter what type of adoption plan you make. You may choose to share your identity and where you live with the adoptive family. If you’ve made an open adoption plan, you can have ongoing, direct contact with your child and the adoptive family.
Does the birthfather have any rights?
Both you and the birthfather have rights. If you disagree about adoption or you no longer have a relationship with him, your adoption agency will work with the birthfather and/or the courts to determine if his rights can be terminated.
Will my child have information about his or her birthfather?
Hopefully, yes. This will depend on the birthfather’s cooperation with you and the staff of your adoption agency. Most birthfathers give their complete medical and social history, recognizing how important it is for the child. At other times, only the information you provide will be available.
Can my child find me if he or she wants to search someday?
The laws in each state determine when and how your child may have access to information in the adoption file. Your caseworker will explain the current laws as they apply to your adoption plan.
How can I be sure my child will be well cared for?
Adoptive families approved by your adoption agency must meet standards that are shared with you. Your agency will make every attempt to complete a thorough assessment of potential adoptive families. Prior to finalizing the adoption, a caseworker will make home visits to ensure the child’s well-being. In an open adoption, you will see for yourself how well your child is cared for and how much your child is loved.
Do I need an attorney or do I pay my agency to assist me with the adoption?
You do not need an attorney and there are no costs to you. The adoption agency will handle all the legal details for you and the birthfather.